Mothers Day Blues

When people ask how many children I have, I tell them only one.  I lie!  I have three children, I just don’t have the privilege of two of my daughters.  You see, Sarah was stillborn in 1990, and we had Brianna for only 3 blessed hours in 1991 before she left us.

But people never want to hear that, or even know how to deal with what that all entails as a friend.  So, many of my friends don’t know about ‘all’ of my girls, and I often grieve in private with my daughter and husband.  I remember one “friend” yelling at me when an overwhelming, suffocating moment of grief overtook me at the most inopportune time (as it does).  This was 15 years after I lost both of them and she told me I was being stupid, and I just needed to get the hell over it!!  Needless to say, she is no longer a friend.

For those of you that have lost children, you know, there is no getting “over” it!  There is only getting through it.  We learn to cope with the pain and deal with others uncomfortable moments the best way we know how.  Often at our own expense.  There is no time limit to grief, and no measure on how much love we have for our kids even if we don’t have them any more.  And many like me, have a love hate relationship with Mothers Day!

Mothers Day is often the hardest day of the year for me.   This day is never a good one in our house.  My daughter is amazing and has never tried to make it something that I was not comfortable with.  Only last year she told me that it is only one day of the year.  That she should cherish me like everyday was Mothers Day and not put so much emphasis on one date on the calender!

Would I change things if I could?  in a perfect world, yes I would and I would love to have them back.  But the reality is, if I did have them, I wouldn’t have Liana!!  I am thankful every day (good and bad parenting days) that I have her.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad, and it’s how we choose to deal with the good and the bad is the most important thing of all.  For those of you that know me personally may not agree, but I try to be positive, kind and loving.  I love to laugh and have fun, and I cherish those who are most important to me. After all, life is about living and having fun.  And for the most part I succeed.  I have a wonderful life, and have amazing friends, new and old, and each one of you has given me something amazing to cherish and learn from.  I only hope I give in return.

So, what was the point of this post? Purely selfish!

This is the first Mothers Day of mine, that I am completely alone.  Hubby is away working and out of phone contact, and my daughter is on holidays with her partner and  I am in a wallowing/grateful frame of mind.

If you have taken the time to read this far, I thank you and I only ask one thing of anyone reading this.  Grab your partner, children, friends and loved ones and hug them, tell them you love them.  Never let it be left unsaid, because fate can, and often does take that opportunity away from us.  After all, who doesn’t love to be hugged?

Electronic hugs are gratefully accepted by email at katrinabartley@bigpond.com or SMS a big hug to 043 9943 066   😀

Have a great Day tomorrow and to all my friends……I love you 🙂

Sids for Kids

 

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8 responses

  1. Astrid

    Very strong and passionate words and one can’t even imagine your pain , but a a friend I can say I have never met such a wise strong beautiful amazing mother with such talent that I know all of her children would be so proud. I would love to think that in each picture each scene a little reminder catches a glimpse. Love and hugs from me xxx

    May 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    • Thank you my sweet! You are one of my new and cherished friends. Love and hugs accepted gratefully.
      Now go and hug your monsters for me 🙂 xxxx

      May 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

  2. I know what you mean about delayed grief, I went through that unexpectedly years after we lost our son, Id since had my youngest and never said anything because people would have said, suck it up, you ended up with another baby. Thomas would have been 25 now, the same age as my sisters oldest daughter Jessica. Every now and again I look at Jess and wonder if they would have been close cousins, who would he be today? The most touching thing either of my sons has ever said to me was when my youngest son explained a tattoo he is getting, there are five spaces in it and I asked him what for and he said “for our names” I asked, “but there is an extra one” and his reply “the spare one is my my brother”. My youngest would never have existed had Thomas been born and he knows it. I hope you get through mothers day Ok.

    May 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

  3. I can relate to this Tina. We had a stillborn boy. We have two fantastic daughters that could never be replaced. I just wish the “little farmer” had stayed with us as well. Hardly a day goes by ……

    May 12, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    • I’m sorry to hear that Merv. Thanks for sharing and big hugs to you and yours x

      May 12, 2012 at 9:28 pm

  4. Thanks Tina. As you know, there is no need to be sorry. Unfortunately none of us can change what will be no matter how hard it is or no matter how much we would love to change it if we could. Members of our “club” are the ones with our own cherished memories and also our thoughts of what might have been, and that will never be challenged.

    Have a specially good day Tina.

    Cheers.

    May 12, 2012 at 9:53 pm

  5. Wish I knew what to say Katrina but I guess there just are no words.

    May 12, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    • Thanks Ian, you know, in this kind of situation, words are not always necessary. Just that you took the time to comment on something that is so heart wrenching for me, is more than enough and means a great deal. 🙂

      May 12, 2012 at 10:54 pm

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