The Flight to Singapore was boringly unremarkable. I’ve been psyching myself out for 3 weeks. But I surprised the hell out of myself at how calm I was the whole flight. Considering I am usually a basket case, and need to be drugged to the eye balls to even get on the plane, this was a highly unusual turn of events for me.Pretty sure Al thinks we have all been having a lend of him at how much I freak out, and truth be told, I reckon he was little disappointed and my lack of needing a change of underwear, but was quite relieved he retained the circulation in his fingers.
We just left Singapore for Kathmandu. I must say, not so calm this time. The aircraft is half the size and Al tells me that the creaking and groaning of the plane is normal. 😳
Is this a prelude the the wings falling off??
Think positive thoughts And tell myself. What will be, will be.
Ding ding, announcement over the PA, return to your seats we are expecting some turbulence. Ok. I can do this. Breathe deeply. Pretend you are calm. Everyone tells me you have more chance dying crossing the road than in a plane. Like that f#%@ing helps!! Fidiots!!!
The plane suddenly lurches, drops 1000 feet, ok, 100 feet, alright, alright it was about a foot. Couple more big bumps and at this point, I think, this isn’t that bad, I got this shit!!!!
I hear the woman in me roar and feel positively all powerful. Piece of cake. Nothing to worry about….
Next minute the flight attendant hits the deck.
WTF!? He is actually squatting on the floor!!!!!
All those pelvic floor exercises have suddenly “almost” paid off. With quivering bowels and a slightly less than watertight bladder, I look over at Al and he has that smirk on his face that only he can do. At this point I am unsure of what reaction I am going to have first.
Scream? Wet my pants? Diarrhoea? Slap him? All of the above?!
But the look on his face was priceless and I just laughed. Again, thinking what will be, will be. Newspaper headline “Manic old lady losing her shit on flight from Singapore to Kathmandu” averted.
All is calm again.
The dinner cart arrives, food was delicious, ice cream even better. Do I brave undoing the seatbelt and head out the loo? And let’s just get a little bit real here. The seatbelt isn’t really going to do jack if you fall out of the sky is it? 😳
But I put on my big girl panties and headed for the loo.
I’m definitely going to die this time, in a dunny, with my pants around my feet, bare butt to the world and this time and all I could think was…
I knew I should have shaved my bloody legs! ✈️🚽😟