When people ask how many children I have, I tell them only one. I lie! I have three children, I just don’t have the privilege of two of my daughters. You see, Sarah was stillborn in 1990, and we had Brianna for only 3 blessed hours in 1991 before she left us.
But people never want to hear that, or even know how to deal with what that all entails as a friend. So, many of my friends don’t know about ‘all’ of my girls, and I often grieve in private with my daughter and husband. I remember one “friend” yelling at me when an overwhelming, suffocating moment of grief overtook me at the most inopportune time (as it does). This was 15 years after I lost both of them and she told me I was being stupid, and I just needed to get the hell over it!! Needless to say, she is no longer a friend.
For those of you that have lost children, you know, there is no getting “over” it! There is only getting through it. We learn to cope with the pain and deal with others uncomfortable moments the best way we know how. Often at our own expense. There is no time limit to grief, and no measure on how much love we have for our kids even if we don’t have them any more. And many like me, have a love hate relationship with Mothers Day!
Mothers Day is often the hardest day of the year for me. This day is never a good one in our house. My daughter is amazing and has never tried to make it something that I was not comfortable with. Only last year she told me that it is only one day of the year. That she should cherish me like everyday was Mothers Day and not put so much emphasis on one date on the calender!
Would I change things if I could? in a perfect world, yes I would and I would love to have them back. But the reality is, if I did have them, I wouldn’t have Liana!! I am thankful every day (good and bad parenting days) that I have her.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad, and it’s how we choose to deal with the good and the bad is the most important thing of all. For those of you that know me personally may not agree, but I try to be positive, kind and loving. I love to laugh and have fun, and I cherish those who are most important to me. After all, life is about living and having fun. And for the most part I succeed. I have a wonderful life, and have amazing friends, new and old, and each one of you has given me something amazing to cherish and learn from. I only hope I give in return.
So, what was the point of this post? Purely selfish!
This is the first Mothers Day of mine, that I am completely alone. Hubby is away working and out of phone contact, and my daughter is on holidays with her partner and I am in a wallowing/grateful frame of mind.
If you have taken the time to read this far, I thank you and I only ask one thing of anyone reading this. Grab your partner, children, friends and loved ones and hug them, tell them you love them. Never let it be left unsaid, because fate can, and often does take that opportunity away from us. After all, who doesn’t love to be hugged?
Electronic hugs are gratefully accepted by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS a big hug to 043 9943 066 😀
Have a great Day tomorrow and to all my friends……I love you 🙂